Friday, May 2, 2014

The Quote that Let me Know I Wasn't Alone

You know, I used to be really good at running. I was putting up some pretty fantastic times and had lost a bunch of weight. I weighed probably 15 pounds less than I do now. When you're only standing about 5'3", 15 pounds is pretty considerable. Fast forward through tearing my achiles tendon and being forced to take 6 months off of running....and then just losing the will to run anymore which turned into a year out of running and the 15 pounds gained and here we are today. And I've had a hard time really describing what it felt like to try to make a come back from what I used to be.

I was reading articles on CNN Health and came across this one. It's about a guy who was faced with cancer and had his health taken away from him. Now that he's cancer free, he's making a giant come back. Truly an inspiring article.

One thing in particular that stood out for me was this quote:

Exercise isn't new to me. It's something I used to thrive on. Training for a triathlon isn't even new to me. I had a regimen before. I'd swim in the mornings before work. Saturdays were my big workout days. If I wasn't doing a big run or ride, I'd take a spin class and jump right on the treadmill after and run 4 miles. Interestingly enough, that doesn't make it any easier. It's often more frustrating. Not being able to do what you used to do sometimes makes you not want to do it at all. It's a constant fight I have with myself. Trying to push through one barrier only to be stopped at the next makes me feel helpless.
It's like the sun just started shining again. This is exactly how I still feel today. I look back on my old mile times and I can't help but be sad and beat myself up. Why can't I run like I did before? What's keeping me from going as fast? Why can't I run 13 miles without stopping like I used to? Why haven't I lost any of this weight like I did a couple years ago? And let me tell you - it's exhausting.

It's exhausting to train. It's exhausting to constantly analyze and wonder and think and try to fix whatever problem you think you have that is preventing you from being what you once were. I haven't aged a decade. I don't smoke. I drink too much wine but the intake is about the same as it used to be. I can't figure out why I can't get to where I was. We're talking 8min miles vs 11min miles here folks. Absolutely frustrating.

And as a result, the motivation is uneven. Some days are just a bare to get out for a walk and others I wish I could run for miles and miles and miles. I miss the constant motivation and the will to do better and run faster. Instead, I'm faced with constantly battling the "why bother?" thoughts.

It's nice to know that maybe I'm not as crazy as I thought I was (or that he's just as crazy). I highly suggest you read the article - great story and a great outcome!

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